Stupid Things Expats Say When You Decide to Go Home

Most expats complain at one point or another about living abroad. It is just a fact of the lifestyle. Nothing is exactly as it was back home. Some things are better - salary, healthcare benefits, vacations, etc.

However, we all complain - lack of personal space, lack of freedom, foods we cannot find, beverages we cannot legally drink, call to prayers interrupting sleep after 4AM, missing friends and family, culture clashing because of different (strange) expectations and communication styles, etc.

We decided to move back home for two basic reasons: my husband would like the opportunity to seek a graduate degree, and I would like to start our family of non-furbabies in the US. We also miss our freedom. I am a runner and I have only ran alone once here. It was not relaxing mainly because of traffic, cultural expectations that demand women be chaperoned by a male family member and fully clothed. My elbows, kneecaps and shoulders were all too round and sexy for the drivers and passerbys to handle. I wore my baseball cap pulled down low and kept my sunglasses on despite the sun setting. I was annoyed, but safe. Here they don't mess around with punishing criminals and that made me feel safe....but I was still incredibly annoyed and vulnerable. I miss my freedom!

Anyway, this post is not about what we miss and why we are going home, but about the reactions we've had from others once they find out we're leaving the sandbox.

For starters, I kept our decision a secret for quite some time before I had to give my 6 months of notice at work. I did not want my employer to feel like I was happily screaming from the rooftops "We're outta here!" to everyone. However, I did tell a few close friends because I felt badly misleading them into thinking that we would be around again next year.

Once I told my employer I felt a huge sense of relief. Then I had to deal with the rumor mill at work. I remembered a friend who had left before also feeling annoyed at others' reactions to her leaving. I have been annoyed mainly because people assume things and they make judgements about my life without having been in it at all over the past 18 months.

Here's the stupidest reaction from someone who heard from another that I had turned in my resignation:

I was sitting in a common area at work and he approached me, kneeled down next to my chair and said with a lowered voice and cheshire cat's smile, "I just wanted to congratulate you on your resignation." I calmly replyed, "Oh, thanks." Even though I have not spent any social time whatsoever with this person, he continued with, "Hey, let's get together some time and we can talk about it." I know my face was probably saying, 'what the hell for?' but I calmly said, "Well, we're busy checking things off our list, so I don't know when that would be. However, if you're going to X's dinner on Friday, then we could talk about it there." He said he was busy. I can only guess that he wanted to hear some sad, dramatic, story about us hating it here and running home. He most likely wanted first hand knowledge of our private lives to spread around. (First hand knowledge in this part of othe world is rare, and prized.)

What he did was 1. approach me as if we were friends, 2. assume that there were some terrible news about why are leaving. Wrong. Wrong.

A few others made stupid comments like:

I just don't understand why you're going home when the US economy is so bad.

[Guess what? The world economy is bad. And hey - remember we are in the ESL/EFL field. And if you didn't know this before, that means that rich foreigners send their children to the US to study. If I were a car salesperson or a realestate agent, then I'd rethink leaving this stable job in this place that we don't really like to live.]

So you're quitting? Are you tired of the heat?

[It isn't quitting if you're giving notice (of 6 months!) and it ain't just the heat! There is a list of about a hundred things that are calling us back to the US.]

What will you do?

[Gee, I think I'll go to med school. Why are people so stupid. We've all got graduate degrees in what we're doing here. Why would I change my career just because I was heading home? Again, people send their kids to the US to learn English in intensive programs. And in all fairness the people who have asked this are either not from the US or they got their MA from online, so they do not know about the intensive programs.]

Hey, so I heard you were leaving. What will you do? Do you have a job yet? Where will you go? Are you worried? Why are you leaving? I've heard others are leaving and you know I just wonder. You know, you can out grow a place .... So, did you not like it here? . . . . [5 minutes later] . . . Wow! This is the longest conversation we've had.

[Yes, this is the first time we've had a conversation over 10 seconds. You're asking a lot of personal questions that you need to ask yourself. For example, why are you still here? What are you hiding from in the Gulf? And, who are you again?]

Do you have a job yet?

[Most asked this in January. I found myself thinking: What do you think? No, I don't and I think it is interesting that you are so concerned about my personal life when you never were before. Oh, wait. You are asking this to make yourself feel better about being trapped in this sandbox by not taking a risk and competing for a job back home. FYI: some US university intensive English programs do not hire teaching staff until 1 week before classes start, which might be late August for a fall semester job. No, I'm not worried, but thanks for sharing that you are worried for me.]

We'd probably move back, but we don't want to pay income taxes.

[Well, more power to ya! I would love to pay US taxes knowing that it builds and sustains our great nation. I love that our taxes will go towards roads, schools and other things that make life enjoyable instead of the government throwing money at projects in sandbox where people do not appreciate what it given to them.]

Will you guys live in the same place?

[I know we got married after I moved here, but I'm not done being married to my sweet M! I mean, even if we have to work as Wal-Mart greeters or Starbuck's as baristas to live in the same town and same apartment, we will. I think this question was asked by that particular person because he and his wife could not find jobs in the same place.]

Basically, some expats have been abroad so long that the thought of having to live in their home countries brings up a lot of fears. People don't want to pay for housing, pay taxes, pay for healthcare (Americans), or have to do their freaking job. In my opinion, there are a lot of people here that get too comfortable with a lifestyle that they really do not deserve. We've never hired a housemaid nor paid a man to wash our car. Yes, we've saved a lot of money here because of free housing and our tax-free double income. However, we have not lived above our American means. We've even managed to save as if we were paying utilities and rent back home each month. In addition, we're putting most of our savings towards our future home down payment and college education funds for our future children. The stereotypical expat lifestyle of wining and dining, hiring help, and doing the minimum at work (in my field of teaching anyhow), is just not who we are.

The other expats who are aghast that we're leaving the security and high salaries of the Arabian Gulf are those who have a lot more to lose if they went back home. We know people who are hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, who live well above their means (even in the Gulf), who haven't filed US taxes in years, who seem to buy whatever they want (why not buy a year membership to a hotel beach club for $5,000USD or more/year?), and who seem to simply not follow a budget regardless of their salary. We only have my $19,000 student loan as debt, which we pay every month. We know we will have to buy another vehicle once we get home, but we will not be buying a brand new luxury car. Also, we will continue spending based on our budget. Basically, money and buying crap isn't who we are.

We're going home. And we're excited about that. There's no salicious story. There's no drama. We aren't terrified of having to pay for housing or taxes. We'll do it because the trade off for us is well worth it. I'll get to run around our neighborhood in shorts and a sleeveless shirt, M will get to BBQ pork bacon on a grill in our backyard while we sip margaritas, and we'll eventually have children who will be closer to their grandparents and our culture.

Until Next Time,

WW

Photo credit: http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/

The Big Homeward Bound List

We're making our way through our "get outta here!" list and it feels darn good! Here's what we've been busying doing lately:


1. Selling the car and squeezing as much out of the transportation allowance as possible in car rental
2. organizing our stuff: sell, give away, ship home, pack and take on the plane home
3. job applications
4. scourering online for various departure date airfare
5. researching the best (and cheapest) way to immigrate our two cats to the US
6. teaching


Selling the car was a pain the in ass that we ended early - thank goodness! As soon as we posted it on Qatar Living we got two phone calls despite my error in listing M's mobile number two different ways! Unfortunately, those early callers were just trying to low ball us by offering well below what we had listed the car. I figure there are some locals that make a killing off buying cars and flipping them for a profit in a week's time. After a few people called, said they would meet us at X location to view the vehicle, and then did not show up - M took the next customer that showed up. We finally sold the car less than a week after posting it to a nice Indian woman. Her husband and friend came to view the car, but I actually sold the car to the wife. We felt good about selling it to that couple because they really needed a car for the wife. They had been paying a driver 1,000 QR each week to drive her to and from work in Al Khor! I could see that she was very excited to get the car. We only dropped the price by 2,000 QR and more importantly, we do not have to worry about selling it at the last minute.

Kia Soul

Suzuki Celerio and Alto

Since we sold our car, we had to find a rental for our remaining months here. I have never driven a car quite like the one we have now. For just two days we drove what we thought was the world's tiniest car - the Kia Soul. We were wrong. In retrospect, I loved that Soul. We are now driving a Suzuki Celerio, soon to be replaced by an even smaller gutless Suzuki Alto. These Suzukis are so tiny and powerless that even though they are automatics we drive them as if they were manuals. I feel badly for formerly cursing the drivers of these tiny cars because I thought the drivers were just taking their time on the mean streets of Doha. I now know that the slowpoking was not due to the driver, but because of the car's non-existent engine. The Suzukis are both only 1450QR a month, and my transportation allowance is just 1500QR a month, so we are technically making money by renting a car run by gerbils.



We've got quite a bit of stuff, but not nearly as much as others will have to deal with when they leave Qatar. We have truly saved money while in Qatar, rather than spent it. The only things we will ship or pack are:

• books
  
• shoes


• clothes
  
• photos
  
• souvenirs
  
• Bose iPod docking station


• Pampered Chef crockpot


• Down feather comforter


• two personal laptop computers


• cameras


• iPods
  
• Imation media center


• cat toys (Yes, I am taking the cat tunnel whether my husband likes it or not!)

We've got nearly a whole house in storage at home, so the sell/give away list is quite large. Here are the things we will sell or give away:

• blender


• microwave (so big the crockpot could fit in it!)


• faux George Forman grill


• iron and ironing board


• DVD player


• clothes drying rack (no clothes dryer here - so happy to be going home!)


• two sets of twin sheets


• two sets of queen sheets


• four pillows


• throw pillow covers


• curtains


• dishes (not a full 8-person set because some were broken in shipment to Qatar)


• pots and pans


• forks, knives, spoons


• place mats for 6 (2 sets)
  
• trash cans (1 kitchen, 2 bathroom)
  
• shower curtain, rug, toilet bowl cleaner (2 sets)


• two folding picnic chairs
  
• potted plants
  

My job search has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. As always, I need to relax! While looking for jobs, I need to remember that the "fit" is most important. I need to find where I fit best, not just which job I think I want. I have been checking my favorite job posting sites nearly every day, but some institutions will not post openings until they confirm fall enrollment which might not be until late August. My little heart must be patient, which is something it does not like to be. In addition to waiting to pounce as soon as the job advertisement goes up, some openings are not really open to the public. Therefore, I am letting specific colleagues know that I am job hunting and what M and I are looking for in a place to settle for awhile.

Of course, if we are both unemployed for more than a few months after we get home there's always Plan B - get a part-time job teaching where I got my MA. I am not worried about M. He can go back to school for his MS, or do anything really because he excels at whatever he puts his mind to doing. My super husband is a jack of trades, very likeable, and a helluva worker. (In fact, his incredible work ethic was one of the top three things that attracted me to him!)

Sending the cats home to the US has been a nightmare of finding information. There are some good pet relocation services that operate out of Doha, Qatar. However, our hometown/region in the US is smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Therefore, we received ridiculous quotes like these:

1. Service can get the cats to Houston, Texas, but that's it . . . for about $4000USD. This was strange because they claim to get pets from "A to B."

2. Service can fly cats from Doha to New Jersey and then to Chicago. Service would drive the cats to hometown - hours away for double the price estimated above. Nice, so what you're saying is you'll rip us off and totally piss our cats off!

3. Service will only do the paper work and give us a website (see #2) to rip us off.

What we have decided to do is this:

M will take his one week of his 24 remaining days of vacation that his work refuses to cash out. M will fly on the cheapest airfare we can find to Houston, Texas. He will take all the luggage he can handle so we save on shipping later. He will meet the cats that will have flown direct from Doha to Houston via the "world's only 5-star airline" Qatar Airways. The three of them will road trip an estimated 12 hours to our hometown and collapse. M will leave the cats with my parents to acclimate to live in America while he drives back to Houston and flies back to Doha. That make me tired just thinking about it, but oddly enough it is the best plan for where we are going, and what my employer will give us for shipping allowance upon departure. Plus, M gets to eat Mexican food for a whole week! Sadly, they will leave me all alone in this hell hole. In fact, this upcoming Operation Fly Cats Home ordeal will keep M and I apart for the first time sine October 1st, 2009. Yikes!

During all of this I have been teaching a very good group of young Arab men. We are entering week four of fourteen, and I must say it has been a good first few weeks. M is also having some relief at work teaching courses that he has already prepared for, and thus, does not need to spend as much time making lessons.

Life is good, but it is going to get even better!

Until Next Time,
WW

Image sources:
http://www.indianautoblog.com/
http://www.mexicogarage.com/
http://www.car-blogger.co.uk/

"You shouldn't wear sandals in case we have to run."

Bahrain Protesters in Pearl Square

Egyptian Protesters in Tahrir Square

"You shouldn't wear sandals in case we have to run."

That's what my husband said the other day to me on our way to the mall to eat lunch and watch a movie. With all the protesting and revolutions going on in the region, that is one example of the things we have talked about lately. While I think democracy is good, I do not know if this part of the world is truly ready for it. This region has been run by the elite wasta bearing minority (royals and military) for so long that it will take time and re-education of all before they can put a legitimate democratic election into place. These big, important changes will not happen over night. Wasta, or connections, will continue to be the way things get done around here for a long time to come.

We're here until July unless something forces us out - like a revolution in Qatar. We already planned to leave Qatar at the end of this academic year, so I won't be sad if we have to leave sooner. However, I really do not think the people of Qatar will revolt. The people here have a lot more to lose than others in the region. I've blogged before about all the handouts, welfare, and subsidies that the Qatari nationals get. The expats or foreign workers with residency (some with generations of only residency although having been born and lived here all their lives) could revolt. However, if the residents (not citizens) of non-western nations revolt, they'll just be deported to their homelands for which they hold passports: India, Sri Lanka, Oman, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Sudan, Somalia, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, etc. And then more laborers will come to replace them. Everyone is replaceable especially when conditions in their home countries are far worse. As one co-worker put it, "You vote with your feet."

My husband, being the responsible man that he is, even suggested that we have a "bug out bag" in case we need to jump on a plane or go to our embassy. What would we take? We've decided that we'd take our passports, financial papers, laptops, and wedding album proofs. We haven't put together a bag just yet though. We'd also grab our two cats.

Besides having to plan for the worst case scenario, the thing that irritates me the most is all the rumors and lack of information because it spreads nothing but fear. I had to stop reading one person's Facebook status updates and comments because of the rumors and lack of valid information the person was sharing. This person stated that protests would happen here in Qatar according to the Arab speaking world, but this person did not state when or where the several thousand person protest would happen. What good does that do to broadcast half the information about something that has not yet been verified? It only made me want to stay inside, and ignore all other posts from the person, rather than sympathize with the cause. I think some people get off on being the bearer of bad news, or withholding powerful information from others. It doesn't help matters that there is no real news source here about national issues except for the lovely online source called The Penninsula. That website has mainly short articles about nice diplomatic meet-and-greets and family fun festivals (that may or may not have already passed.) Therefore, I check CNN International every morning and a few times throughout the day as well.

My dad posted this on my Facebook wall:

Bahrain riots are close to Qatar? Be safe . . .

A dear friend posted this on my Facebook wall as well:

The sands are shifting around you . . . democracy is in the water. What do you think is going to happen?

God bless them both for actually knowing where Qatar (and Bahrain) are. When I told my dad that I wanted to study abroad in Granada, Spain, he said, "Didn't we bomb the hell out of them?" He was thinking of Grenada. If anything, being over here makes all our families and friends more aware of international issues.

I'm still wearing sandals. We live in the desert and it is hot! We'll just be sending our hard earned Qatari riyals home on a more frequent basis in case we have to leave quickly. It would really stink being here for the money and in the end not getting our nest egg safely into our US bank accounts.

Until Next Time,

WW

Image Sources: http://www.guardian.co.uk/ and http://www.ctv.ca/

The Big Move Home

I lived in the middle of this great city, Seoul of 10 million people, from January 2007-December 2008.

And then I moved back home to a small midwestern American city/town that has a population of about 200,000 people which includes the surrounding farming communities. Needless to say, I was making plans to leave again after just three months!

Here I am on the last official day of my mid-academic year break reading blogs about those who have taught in South Korea. What is it about living in a foreign country and the pull it has on your heart? When I lived in South Korea I down right hated it on occasion. Some days were difficult and lonely. Many unique and interesting things became annoying (i.e. conversations with complete strangers: "Hi! Hi! Hi! Do you speak Engrishee?! Why you not married? Where do you live?"). However, I think I really miss that time of little responsibility, complete selfishness, daydreaming about a future yet to be decided, and the foreign adventure of living in an amazing city like Seoul.

Here's another blog that I like to read about someone who has recently moved back to her small hometown in Canada with her husband. She's facing challenges with her new marriage, cultural differences, and living in her hometown as someone who has lived abroad. I totally get some of the things she's discussing. I understand what it is like to want to be somewhere else, only to feel yourself being pulled back to the place you just left - or lived before. I often fantasize about living in Seoul again.

I think everyone who has ever lived somewhere so different from where they grew up will forever feel that pull and tug to go back.

How do we expats and former expats soothe the urge to hop on an international flight to take a job in another country? We get busy with goals: build a home, make a family, further our education, and strengthen relationships with those who matter most. And if all that doesn't make you want to make your homeland your home, save up for international trips and live near an international airport to make travel easier. We can also search for work in our home countries that might have futures abroad.

Right now, I am looking for work at an American university that has foreign branch campuses, or who want to at least recruit internationl students. This could lead to me going abroad for a week to recruit students or it might mean my whole family (husband and two cats!) go abroad for a semester or more as American university employees.

until next time,
WW

Photo credits:
http://thebesttraveldestinations.com/seoul-korea/
http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/missouri/springfield

Expat Wives

I just read another very well written and funny post by Shamozal. She is also in Doha, but has lived in so many other more fascinating places - with a husband, 4 kids, and a beagle. Most recently, she's written about the "expat wife".

While I am technically an expat wife, I do not consider myself to be one of them. I am the anchor to Qatar who lead her not-quite-yet-husband here over a year ago. So, while some (apparently) are calling the expat wives "trailing spouses" I'd say that my situation is quite the opposite.

I'm the spouse with the benefits package (return airfare each summer, housing, interest free car loan, etc.) who is sponsored by a Qatari entity. And due to my sponsorship I became a resident who could then turn around and sponsor my husband. As the first one here and sponsored first, I signed all the papers. Basically, everything was put in my (maiden) name: car loan, car title, car registration, car insurance, bank account, utilities, Internet and satellite TV, etc. Essentially, my sweet, devoted husband could make a run for it and leave me here in this sand box of hell quite easily. But wait! Because he is sponsored by moi, he must also get my written permission to leave the country if he wishes to return as a resident rather than a tourist. I know he'd never do this because he loves our cats too much. (They are the only concrete reason why we ever bother returning from our vacations to this place afterall!)

Not only do I look different on paper from the Expat Wives, but I am clearly having a different kind of experience. Recently, we met our running club for brunch after a run. I'm one of only two female runners in our group, but for brunch there was much greater balance.

We sat down to chow down and the second most popular question was asked: "Do you work?" they each asked eye balling me like a creature who'd escaped to the outside. "Yes, we both teach," I explained. After that I always feel obliged to ask if they work (outside the home), but I always know the answer by how they ask me the same question. So, I asked. And they said, of course, that they didn't. They go on to tell me how they fill their days here. Some teach private lessons of various arts and crafts thingys for fun. Others pass time with other Expat Wives. And most spend a lot of time chasing their children. I suspect some are fans of Facebook and spend gobs of time online. I mean, that's what I do on vacation because my husband's school holidays do not match mine.

Of course there are positives and negatives to being an atypical Expat Wife. For starters we basically live off one of our salaries here. On top of that we do not have children, while it seems almost every married couple here does. Therefore, we are able to save quite a bit while working in the Gulf. On top of the financial advantages of us both working while abroad, my husband and I can equally sympathize with each other about the cultural frustrations of working here. For example, he experiences many of the same challenges with Gulf Arab students and administrative staff. These shared experiences will make it easier to decide what we do next. Having struggled and enjoyed a very similar adventure here together will mean that our decision to stay or leave will be an easy one.

Until Next Time (and I hope it isn't months!),
WW

Image credit: Chiang Mai City Life

Cats!

So we are leaving in about a week. While our departure couldn't come any sooner, I'm getting pretty sad about leaving our furbabies. I wanted to post another blog about Qatar, but cannot focus on anything worthy to write about here. In fact, when I'm READY to leave a place I'm very much in the 2nd place long before I leave the 1st place. The heat, lack of things to do outside, and my desire to be in the US have given me a bad attitude about all things Qatar. With the heat index regularly at 120-145F I just want to hibernate in our apartment until we leave to catch our flight. I'm also starting to get nervous that some unforeseen event will delay our trip home like I'll get in a car wreck or some other terrible thing!

So, here's a little photo montage of our furbabies:

Until next time,

WW

Schools Out for Summer!

Photo: Sophia & Frankie bathe and then wrestle on their Cat Canopy

My classes have finished, exams have been graded and entered into the online system, and I have been to my office to wait for students to complain in person. (Not one student came.) Now, what to do?

My husband's teaching will finish the 3rd week of July, so that leaves me with about 45 days of time to kill. Here are some things that could fill my time:

1. Cook more delicious meals (I only know how to make 3 - maybe)

2. Clean more of the house

3. Run more (on the treadmill in A/C) because August 1st will be here soon!

4. Morning spinning class (on days I have the car)

5. Read more (I have 6 books on my nightstand currently!)

6. Blog more

7. Get Frankie (our little boy kitten) "fixed"

8. Get both kittens de-clawed - the poor things often get hung up on the curtains, sheets, and furniture upholstery

9. Get a haircut

10. Watch a list of recommended movies that I've never seen

11. Watch the entire series of "Lost" - I never got addicted to it

12. Plan next 3 vacations (mid-late August, mid-September Eid, mid-November)

13. Get car inspection (I've heard this is a big pain in the neck, so I'm not looking forward to this.)

14. Swim lessons (I emailed, stopped by in person, and facebooked the Doha Dolphins, but still haven't heard back from them - hiss boo)

15. Start saying goodbye to some teachers who are not returning in the fall :(

16. Start packing for July 23rd trip home :)

17. Continue taking a gazillion photos of our adorable kitties that I am already sad about leaving during vacation . . .

Until Next Time,

WW

Whirl Wind Romance

I love this story and I hope you enjoy it too. (Warning - I just realized how ridiculously long this is.)

Here's a little background on me before I met my other half: I had just gone back home after living for three years in South Korea in the middle of December, 2008. While I know some western (white) women love to date the male Asian persuasion, I did not for various reasons. There was the language barrier, the culture barrier, and the "okay, I'm not your English teacher right now, so please don't ask me questions about the TOEFL or how to immigrate to the US for the rest of our date, okay?" situations that usually occurred. There were also some ridiculous stereotypes that I faced as a single, white, western woman in South Korea: No, I'm not a whore like the Hollywood movies portray, and no I do not like to drink like a fish or do any other crazy, unprofessional things like certain Korean media portrays westerners doing.

Needless to say, I was often misunderstood and on my part anyhow no real romantic relationships blossomed in South Korea. My time there was very much surreal, and living in a fantasy world makes it difficult to see any "relationship" as more than just that - unreal. I did not settle, I did not make but only a few good female friends that are still very dear to me. Men were for the most part completely off my radar while in Korea. Those I did date were just that a date and nothing more. And so after three years "teaching" Koreans, traveling around much of SE Asia, and running distance races like it was my job, I went home blissfully unattached.

I stayed in the US for longer than I thought I would from mid-December 2008, until August 2009. Knowing that the ESL job market was (and still is) rough in the US. Therefore, I started looking at jobs abroad quite soon after moving back home. Being that I wanted to move pretty much as soon as I landed in the US, I never really put down any roots. I unpacked, got a job that had me teaching over full time hours at my old institute, and met up with my old running buddies. I did not make any real attempts to get "settled" by any means. In fact, I was even hesitant to socialize, which to those of you who know me - I never have really been a social butterfly. I am a bit of a hermit. I love having my close, small groups of friends, rather than a horde of acquaintances. Anyway, I digress....so I spent all of the spring and most of the summer just working and running while I lived in my parents' house. I had a great time, but in all honesty I was not really there.

After attending the Denver TESOL Convention in late March 2009, I knew that I would move abroad again to teach English. People often talk about moving home and how it is never the same - they are right. People who have lived and/or studied abroad talk about "reverse culture shock" that makes it difficult to feel truly comfortable in one's original home country. Because of those two things and my still very single status, and me not getting any younger (I hit the big 30!) I figured if I was going to live abroad again that 2009 was the year to continue my foreign adventures.

I hit a rather large 6'4" snag in my grand plan on July 18, 2009. As the quote from Woody Allen goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

At some point in late spring a dear college friend of mine, and fellow runner, invited me down to the Too Hot To Handle 15Km race in Dallas, Texas, to be held on Saturday, July 18th, 2009. I immediately got a cheap flight from Missouri to Texas and started training for the race. I had no idea that I would meet my husband just by going to that race!

My friend and I decided to carpool to the race with another runner that she knew because around White Rock Lake there is very little parking space. So, early in the morning (after eating a breakfast of champions - poptarts from the gas station!) we met up at one of the gyms. There, we saw one of our carpool buddies waiting outside in the dark morning. We said hello, and went inside to wait on the other guy who would drive all four of us to the lake.

We all got into a truck with the driver and M (my husband) in front and my friend and I in the back. Honestly, this time is a bit of a blur because I was feeling pre-race adrenaline. However, since then I have tried to remember what all I said, all of which is completely embarrassing because I had no filter for what I said with all the pre-race energy (and I was about to move to Qatar so I did not care what anyone thought of me in Texas). I do remember that we drove past some sort of strip club along the road and I immediately offered up my unfiltered opinion: "Why don't they call places like that "Deadbeat Daddy Club" instead of a "gentleman's club"? Obnoxious, I know, but I was not there to impress anyone. We all started talking about women runners who wear running skirts. I have always hated it when female athletes pander to men even in their selection of apparel while playing sports. I mean, really? Practicing or competing in your sport is YOUR time. So here we were riding along to the race and I clearly stated that I hated it when women wore running skirts. I also remember adding that I hated athletic apparel designers who dress female athletes up like damn Easter eggs - pastels are not good for sweat! When are they going to learn this? I cannot remember exactly what else I said, but I cringe every time I think of the first impression that I had on my now husband. Eeek!

M must have already noticed me before we got into the truck because I mentioned my hometown in Missouri to which he immediately turned around and asked me if I knew his sister. He told me afterwards that he was about to call his sister in a rage of fury if she had known me and not introduced us. As it turned out I did not know his sister, but having part of his family living my hometown made it very easy for us a bit later on.

So, we got to the race and I was just doing my pre-race thing. I was blissfully ignorant to any eyes that M may or may not have been making at me. I was just a new runner and he was also just another runner. We both ran our races and had a good time. I was really in my own element after the race with even more adrenaline flowing, which means I really did not care what anyone thought of me. I do not think I said anything cringe worthy, but I know that I did not pick up on any vibes that M may or may not have been sending my way.

After the race the guys suggested that we all go eat brunch at the most wonderful texmex restaurants in Dallas. I loved this place called Ozona's! Just about everyone there had either cycled or ran that morning and you could tell! Now, at this point I started feeling a little self conscious because I had just ran 15km in the heat. I was not looking too hot, and I know that I smelled. I had nothing to change into because I did not know we would be eating out after the race, but I went and nobody else changed either.

I sat down next to my friend and M sat next to me. Hm . . . well, he told me later he only sat there because the Tour de France was on the TV just above my head. So we started talking just M and I. We found out that we both shared a love of traveling abroad. He was thoroughly interested in my career teaching in different countries and said he really wanted to live abroad as well, but hadn't worked out how exactly. In fact, he was trying to find a way back into school to get his MS in either Math or Computer Sciences. I thought, 'wow, this guy travels, runs, and is smart . . .' and then I felt like I had been just having a conversation with him the whole morning so I stopped talking to him. It was starting to become awkward - what did this guy want? What were the other people at the table talking about? So I joined the other ladies and talked about men and women. M was all ears and succinctly heard all of us women groan about men who text, but never call.

My friend and I left brunch and I said my goodbyes knowing that most people simply didn't visit The Gulf. I got into the car and immediately said, "He was nice. Is this what nice guys are like? Maybe I should get out more often instead of just working and running." Almost as soon as we arrived at my friend's house she got a text from our carpool driver stating that M wanted to continue talking to me, but wasn't sure if he had better call (as we all adamantly lamented at brunch) or text? I said "Sure, text." because although M was very polite and well spoken, I really did know what he wanted from little ole me - a date? a fling until I skipped out of the country? a running buddy in Missouri? someone to stay with for free in Qatar?

Well, as it turns out this whole texting and calling business was the driver-friend's idea. I later found out that as soon as the guys got into the truck after brunch the driver-friend asked M, "So did you get her number?" to which M replied, "She's moving to Qatar." The driver-friend was dumbfounded, "Geeze, do I have to do everything for you?" And then the matchmaking began of the driver-friend contacting my friend, who ultimately put us in contact, but not without some technical difficulties . . .

I soon received a very lengthy and polite text message from M on my rarely used new cell phone. He wanted to go out that night if we did not have any other plans, but we did and I didn't want to bail on my girl friend for a guy that I barely knew. So I texted back that I was leaving town the next day and that he should email or facebook me . . . and then I hit "send" or so I thought. Strangely enough I did not get a polite reply. In fact I did not get anything. How strange I thought. Was it rude to say no to a date because I wanted to hang out with my friend? I thought about it for a few more minutes and then forgot about it until the next day - the day I was supposed to leave. I was so embarrassed and out of practice that I decided to handle the situation junior high style. My friend called her friend (who was on a 60 mile bike ride with M) and asked if M had received my reply. No, he had not. I quickly checked my cell phone and saw that the outbox had nothing in it. Oh my goodness! I never replied! He must have surely thought I was rude. I was mortified and quickly sent a message and tried to explain that I was retarded when it came to technology, it was a new phone, and yes I wanted to talk to him again, but was leaving that very day in a few hours.

M called me as soon as he got finished cycling and we talked. I cannot remember exactly what we talked about, but I do recall nervously asking about his travels and him going on and on about castles in Germany. Awww. After I got home later that night the facebook stalking ensued. We both read everything we could about each other. We both looked at all each other's photos. M started hinting at coming up to Missouri to "visit family." We planned on running the very next weekend in my hometown.

I'll be honest. I was not messing around. I had had my hopes dashed more times than I care to admit. And so I started to protect my little black heart of ice by referring to M as a new "running buddy." My mother will have you know that she asked me, with a very anxious look on her face, the night before he came up to Missouri, "So what is going on with this new friend? Are you two going on a date?" to which I almost angrily shouted, "Mother, he is just a runner, I know nothing about this kid!" What can I say? I saw, read, and heard something different about him and it scared the hell out of me. This was absolutely no time, no time at all, to be falling in love or whatever. I was (and still am) very much a cynic. I never believe anything until I have it in my hand. Talk is cheap. People make other plans, but I was sticking to mine of moving to Qatar.

At 6:00 AM under very stormy conditions we met for a hill workout. It was a bit much for M because if you know Dallas at all then you know that there are no hills to speak of. However, this was all part of my plan - if he truly was a friend then he would run with me, and I did not want to miss out on my training for some guy I barely even knew. So, we charged hills and tried to talk as it started drizzling, thundering, and lightening.

We finished running and decided to go for breakfast. We sat outside and ate under a covering while it poured rain, lightning and thundered something awful! M asked if I wanted to hang out later that day, to which I said yes. I had nothing better to do and he was interesting. And I had not met any runners who were just very genuine, around my age, attractive, talkative, and who truly seemed interested in getting to know me. It was the week before final exams in my summer teaching so I had absolutely no class prep - I was free! I went home right after to shower and change for geocaching. My father was sitting in the kitchen and asked how the run was. I was in a hurry to meet M in about an hour so I just ran past him and said, "Good. We're going to Arkansas for geocaching - its like a hike for treasure or something. . . " as I ran to get a quick shower. My dad's face was incredulous and he shouted at my mother, "They're crossing state lines to go hiking!" I think they both new (having met and been engaged after only two weeks themselves) what I was trying to deny at this point - M was it. I was going to marry him.

We went down to Arkansas and got lost something awful considering M grew up in Arkansas and the fact that we had two GPS devices with us. I enjoyed the day, but the day quickly became night and I was not ready to leave him. He was stalling as well. We had already eaten breakfast and lunch together, so we decided to have dinner as well. It was late, but we were both in our 30s with no real obligations at home. We drove out of our way to find food late at night and eventually drove back to Missouri. I now believe that the best date anyone can have is a road trip.

We said goodnight around 12 AM after a long and very telling talk about our values and our goals. We promised to meet again the next day. The next morning I woke up around 7 AM and called M. I debriefed my parents about the previous day's events because I really had not talked to them except to tell them we were going to Arkansas. They knew and I knew that day was the one day to meet M. My parents had already planned to go to the lake so they suggested that I invite M. So, I did. He was still asleep when I called him, but agreed whole heatedly to come along. It was a great day. This time I drove us because M had driven so much the day before. There was a lot more talking and getting to know each other. At the end of the weekend I confessed that I was suddenly confused. I had just spent so much time as a very independent woman who travels and now at the tail end of my time home I had finally met someone worthy of dating. I said a bit frustrated, "What do I do? Do I hang up my backpack and stop this globe trotting?" to which M replied with the most perfect answer ever, "No, we take two backpacks."

The rest is history, but I will just say that after that second weekend we both knew we wanted to be together. The next week I gave final exams, so we did not see each other. The following week I went to Florida for a week with my sister. After two weeks apart (and many 4+ hour phone calls each day apart) I flew down to M in Dallas on August 10th. Because he was finished with a programming contract he was free to be with me until my August 20th departure for Qatar. We lived in the moment - road tripping from Texas to Missouri, stopping to meet various friends and family of M along the way. M helped me pack for Qatar, which was a sad scene. I wanted desperately to flee and not deal with the emotions of having to leave and yet also leaving someone behind for the first time.

It is funny because I moved to Qatar after only 10 days of us physically being together, M moved up to Missouri while contemplating when/how he would come to Qatar, and in the end M actually spent more time with my parents than we me before we got married!

Honestly, I would not change anything about our story. I love that we met doing what we love doing - running. I love that we were both truly not looking to start a relationship, but were simply interested in getting to know one another as people. I love that we have similar hobbies and most importantly the same core values, which we discussed in great detail the week after we met. Who does that? Most couples are afraid to be honest for fear that they will find out that they are actually incompatible. I had nothing to lose. Honestly, if M did not like me for me (or vice versa) I was going to wedge the Atlantic Ocean, all of Europe and Africa in between us anyhow with my move to Qatar. I love that we have a very similar view of our life now and share the same dream for our future. We will continue to run marathons, travel to other countries, and hopefully one day have children. This is exactly the life that I wanted, but did not know existed. I am simply grateful.