Most expats complain at one point or another about living abroad. It is just a fact of the lifestyle. Nothing is exactly as it was back home. Some things are better - salary, healthcare benefits, vacations, etc.
However, we all complain - lack of personal space, lack of freedom, foods we cannot find, beverages we cannot legally drink, call to prayers interrupting sleep after 4AM, missing friends and family, culture clashing because of different (strange) expectations and communication styles, etc.
We decided to move back home for two basic reasons: my husband would like the opportunity to seek a graduate degree, and I would like to start our family of non-furbabies in the US. We also miss our freedom. I am a runner and I have only ran alone once here. It was not relaxing mainly because of traffic, cultural expectations that demand women be chaperoned by a male family member and fully clothed. My elbows, kneecaps and shoulders were all too round and sexy for the drivers and passerbys to handle. I wore my baseball cap pulled down low and kept my sunglasses on despite the sun setting. I was annoyed, but safe. Here they don't mess around with punishing criminals and that made me feel safe....but I was still incredibly annoyed and vulnerable. I miss my freedom!
Anyway, this post is not about what we miss and why we are going home, but about the reactions we've had from others once they find out we're leaving the sandbox.
For starters, I kept our decision a secret for quite some time before I had to give my 6 months of notice at work. I did not want my employer to feel like I was happily screaming from the rooftops "We're outta here!" to everyone. However, I did tell a few close friends because I felt badly misleading them into thinking that we would be around again next year.
Once I told my employer I felt a huge sense of relief. Then I had to deal with the rumor mill at work. I remembered a friend who had left before also feeling annoyed at others' reactions to her leaving. I have been annoyed mainly because people assume things and they make judgements about my life without having been in it at all over the past 18 months.
Here's the stupidest reaction from someone who heard from another that I had turned in my resignation:
I was sitting in a common area at work and he approached me, kneeled down next to my chair and said with a lowered voice and cheshire cat's smile, "I just wanted to congratulate you on your resignation." I calmly replyed, "Oh, thanks." Even though I have not spent any social time whatsoever with this person, he continued with, "Hey, let's get together some time and we can talk about it." I know my face was probably saying, 'what the hell for?' but I calmly said, "Well, we're busy checking things off our list, so I don't know when that would be. However, if you're going to X's dinner on Friday, then we could talk about it there." He said he was busy. I can only guess that he wanted to hear some sad, dramatic, story about us hating it here and running home. He most likely wanted first hand knowledge of our private lives to spread around. (First hand knowledge in this part of othe world is rare, and prized.)
What he did was 1. approach me as if we were friends, 2. assume that there were some terrible news about why are leaving. Wrong. Wrong.
A few others made stupid comments like:
I just don't understand why you're going home when the US economy is so bad.
[Guess what? The world economy is bad. And hey - remember we are in the ESL/EFL field. And if you didn't know this before, that means that rich foreigners send their children to the US to study. If I were a car salesperson or a realestate agent, then I'd rethink leaving this stable job in this place that we don't really like to live.]
So you're quitting? Are you tired of the heat?
[It isn't quitting if you're giving notice (of 6 months!) and it ain't just the heat! There is a list of about a hundred things that are calling us back to the US.]
What will you do?
[Gee, I think I'll go to med school. Why are people so stupid. We've all got graduate degrees in what we're doing here. Why would I change my career just because I was heading home? Again, people send their kids to the US to learn English in intensive programs. And in all fairness the people who have asked this are either not from the US or they got their MA from online, so they do not know about the intensive programs.]
Hey, so I heard you were leaving. What will you do? Do you have a job yet? Where will you go? Are you worried? Why are you leaving? I've heard others are leaving and you know I just wonder. You know, you can out grow a place .... So, did you not like it here? . . . . [5 minutes later] . . . Wow! This is the longest conversation we've had.
[Yes, this is the first time we've had a conversation over 10 seconds. You're asking a lot of personal questions that you need to ask yourself. For example, why are you still here? What are you hiding from in the Gulf? And, who are you again?]
Do you have a job yet?
[Most asked this in January. I found myself thinking: What do you think? No, I don't and I think it is interesting that you are so concerned about my personal life when you never were before. Oh, wait. You are asking this to make yourself feel better about being trapped in this sandbox by not taking a risk and competing for a job back home. FYI: some US university intensive English programs do not hire teaching staff until 1 week before classes start, which might be late August for a fall semester job. No, I'm not worried, but thanks for sharing that you are worried for me.]
We'd probably move back, but we don't want to pay income taxes.
[Well, more power to ya! I would love to pay US taxes knowing that it builds and sustains our great nation. I love that our taxes will go towards roads, schools and other things that make life enjoyable instead of the government throwing money at projects in sandbox where people do not appreciate what it given to them.]
Will you guys live in the same place?
[I know we got married after I moved here, but I'm not done being married to my sweet M! I mean, even if we have to work as Wal-Mart greeters or Starbuck's as baristas to live in the same town and same apartment, we will. I think this question was asked by that particular person because he and his wife could not find jobs in the same place.]
Basically, some expats have been abroad so long that the thought of having to live in their home countries brings up a lot of fears. People don't want to pay for housing, pay taxes, pay for healthcare (Americans), or have to do their freaking job. In my opinion, there are a lot of people here that get too comfortable with a lifestyle that they really do not deserve. We've never hired a housemaid nor paid a man to wash our car. Yes, we've saved a lot of money here because of free housing and our tax-free double income. However, we have not lived above our American means. We've even managed to save as if we were paying utilities and rent back home each month. In addition, we're putting most of our savings towards our future home down payment and college education funds for our future children. The stereotypical expat lifestyle of wining and dining, hiring help, and doing the minimum at work (in my field of teaching anyhow), is just not who we are.
The other expats who are aghast that we're leaving the security and high salaries of the Arabian Gulf are those who have a lot more to lose if they went back home. We know people who are hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, who live well above their means (even in the Gulf), who haven't filed US taxes in years, who seem to buy whatever they want (why not buy a year membership to a hotel beach club for $5,000USD or more/year?), and who seem to simply not follow a budget regardless of their salary. We only have my $19,000 student loan as debt, which we pay every month. We know we will have to buy another vehicle once we get home, but we will not be buying a brand new luxury car. Also, we will continue spending based on our budget. Basically, money and buying crap isn't who we are.
We're going home. And we're excited about that. There's no salicious story. There's no drama. We aren't terrified of having to pay for housing or taxes. We'll do it because the trade off for us is well worth it. I'll get to run around our neighborhood in shorts and a sleeveless shirt, M will get to BBQ pork bacon on a grill in our backyard while we sip margaritas, and we'll eventually have children who will be closer to their grandparents and our culture.
Until Next Time,
WW
