I love this story and I hope you enjoy it too. (Warning - I just realized how ridiculously long this is.)
Here's a little background on me before I met my other half: I had just gone back home after living for three years in South Korea in the middle of December, 2008. While I know some western (white) women love to date the
male Asian persuasion, I did not for various reasons. There was the language barrier, the culture barrier, and the "okay, I'm not your English teacher right now, so please don't ask me questions about the
TOEFL or how to immigrate to the US for the rest of our date, okay?" situations that usually occurred. There were also some ridiculous stereotypes that I faced as a single, white, western woman in South Korea: No, I'm not a whore like the Hollywood movies portray, and no I do not like to drink like a fish or do any other crazy, unprofessional things like certain
Korean media portrays westerners doing.
Needless to say, I was often misunderstood and on my part anyhow no real romantic relationships blossomed in South Korea. My time there was very much surreal, and living in a fantasy world makes it difficult to see any "relationship" as more than just that - unreal. I did not settle, I did not make but only a few good female friends that are still very dear to me. Men were for the most part completely off my radar while in Korea. Those I did date were just that a
date and nothing more. And so after three years "teaching" Koreans, traveling around much of SE Asia, and running distance races like it was my job, I went home blissfully unattached.
I stayed in the US for longer than I thought I would from mid-December 2008, until August 2009. Knowing that the ESL job market was (and still is) rough in the US. Therefore, I started looking at jobs abroad quite soon after moving back home. Being that I wanted to move pretty much as soon as I landed in the US, I never really put down any roots. I unpacked, got a job that had me teaching over full time hours at my old institute, and met up with my old running buddies. I did not make any real attempts to get "settled" by any means. In fact, I was even hesitant to socialize, which to those of you who know me - I never have really been a social butterfly. I am a bit of a hermit. I love having my close, small groups of friends, rather than a horde of acquaintances. Anyway, I digress....so I spent all of the spring and most of the summer just working and running while I lived in my parents' house. I had a great time, but in all honesty I was not really there.
After attending the
Denver TESOL Convention in late March 2009, I knew that I would move abroad again to teach English. People often talk about moving home and how it is never the same - they are right. People who have lived and/or studied abroad talk about
"reverse culture shock" that makes it difficult to feel truly comfortable in one's original home country. Because of those two things and my still very single status, and me not getting any younger (I hit the big 30!) I figured if I was going to live abroad again that 2009 was the year to continue my foreign adventures.
I hit a rather large 6'4" snag in my grand plan on July 18, 2009. As the quote from Woody Allen goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
At some point in late spring a dear college friend of mine, and fellow runner, invited me down to the
Too Hot To Handle 15Km race in Dallas, Texas, to be held on Saturday, July 18th, 2009. I immediately got a cheap flight from Missouri to Texas and started training for the race. I had no idea that I would meet my husband just by going to that race!
My friend and I decided to carpool to the race with another runner that she knew because around
White Rock Lake there is very little parking space. So, early in the morning (after eating a breakfast of champions - poptarts from the gas station!) we met up at one of the gyms. There, we saw one of our carpool buddies waiting outside in the dark morning. We said hello, and went inside to wait on the other guy who would drive all four of us to the lake.
We all got into a truck with the driver and M (my husband) in front and my friend and I in the back. Honestly, this time is a bit of a blur because I was feeling pre-race adrenaline. However, since then I have tried to remember what all I said, all of which is completely embarrassing because I had no filter for what I said with all the pre-race energy (and I was about to move to Qatar so I did not care what anyone thought of me in Texas). I do remember that we drove past some sort of strip club along the road and I immediately offered up my unfiltered opinion: "Why don't they call places like that "Deadbeat Daddy Club" instead of a "gentleman's club"? Obnoxious, I know, but I was not there to impress anyone. We all started talking about women runners who wear
running skirts. I have always hated it when female athletes pander to men even in their selection of apparel while playing sports. I mean, really? Practicing or competing in your sport is YOUR time. So here we were riding along to the race and I clearly stated that I hated it when women wore running skirts. I also remember adding that I hated athletic apparel designers who dress female athletes up like
damn Easter eggs - pastels are not good for sweat! When are they going to learn this? I cannot remember exactly what else I said, but I cringe every time I think of the first impression that I had on my now husband. Eeek!
M must have already noticed me before we got into the truck because I mentioned my hometown in Missouri to which he immediately turned around and asked me if I knew his sister. He told me afterwards that he was about to call his sister in a rage of fury if she had known me and not introduced us. As it turned out I did not know his sister, but having part of his family living my hometown made it very easy for us a bit later on.
So, we got to the race and I was just doing my pre-race thing. I was blissfully ignorant to any eyes that M may or may not have been making at me. I was just a new runner and he was also just another runner. We both ran our races and had a good time. I was really in my own element after the race with even more adrenaline flowing, which means I really did not care what anyone thought of me. I do not think I said anything cringe worthy, but I know that I did not pick up on any vibes that M may or may not have been sending my way.
After the race the guys suggested that we all go eat brunch at the most wonderful texmex restaurants in Dallas. I loved this place called
Ozona's! Just about everyone there had either cycled or ran that morning and you could tell! Now, at this point I started feeling a little self conscious because I had just ran 15km in the heat. I was not looking too hot, and I know that I smelled. I had nothing to change into because I did not know we would be eating out after the race, but I went and nobody else changed either.
I sat down next to my friend and M sat next to me. Hm . . . well, he told me later he only sat there because the Tour de France was on the TV just above my head. So we started talking just M and I. We found out that we both shared a love of traveling abroad. He was thoroughly interested in my career teaching in different countries and said he really wanted to live abroad as well, but hadn't worked out how exactly. In fact, he was trying to find a way back into school to get his MS in either Math or Computer Sciences. I thought, 'wow, this guy travels, runs, and is smart . . .' and then I felt like I had been just having a conversation with him the whole morning so I stopped talking to him. It was starting to become awkward - what did this guy want? What were the other people at the table talking about? So I joined the other ladies and talked about men and women. M was all ears and succinctly heard all of us women groan about men who text, but never call.
My friend and I left brunch and I said my goodbyes knowing that most people simply didn't visit The Gulf. I got into the car and immediately said, "He was nice. Is this what nice guys are like? Maybe I should get out more often instead of just working and running." Almost as soon as we arrived at my friend's house she got a text from our carpool driver stating that M wanted to continue talking to me, but wasn't sure if he had better call (as we all adamantly lamented at brunch) or text? I said "Sure, text." because although M was very polite and well spoken, I really did know what he wanted from little ole me - a date? a fling until I skipped out of the country? a running buddy in Missouri? someone to stay with for free in Qatar?
Well, as it turns out this whole texting and calling business was the driver-friend's idea. I later found out that as soon as the guys got into the truck after brunch the driver-friend asked M, "So did you get her number?" to which M replied, "She's moving to
Qatar." The driver-friend was dumbfounded, "Geeze, do I have to do
everything for you?" And then the matchmaking began of the driver-friend contacting my friend, who ultimately put us in contact, but not without some technical difficulties . . .
I soon received a very lengthy and polite text message from M on my rarely used new cell phone. He wanted to go out that night if we did not have any other plans, but we did and I didn't want to bail on my girl friend for a guy that I barely knew. So I texted back that I was leaving town the next day and that he should email or facebook me . . . and then I hit "send" or so I thought. Strangely enough I did not get a polite reply. In fact I did not get anything. How strange I thought. Was it rude to say no to a date because I wanted to hang out with my friend? I thought about it for a few more minutes and then forgot about it until the next day - the day I was supposed to leave. I was so embarrassed and out of practice that I decided to handle the situation junior high style. My friend called her friend (who was on a 60 mile bike ride with M) and asked if M had received my reply. No, he had not. I quickly checked my cell phone and saw that the outbox had nothing in it. Oh my goodness! I never replied! He must have surely thought I was rude. I was mortified and quickly sent a message and tried to explain that I was retarded when it came to technology, it was a new phone, and yes I wanted to talk to him again, but was leaving that very day in a few hours.
M called me as soon as he got finished cycling and we talked. I cannot remember exactly what we talked about, but I do recall nervously asking about his travels and him going on and on about castles in Germany. Awww. After I got home later that night the facebook stalking ensued. We both read everything we could about each other. We both looked at all each other's photos. M started hinting at coming up to Missouri to "visit family." We planned on running the very next weekend in my hometown.
I'll be honest. I was not messing around. I had had my hopes dashed more times than I care to admit. And so I started to protect my little black heart of ice by referring to M as a new "running buddy." My mother will have you know that she asked me, with a very anxious look on her face, the night before he came up to Missouri, "So what is going on with this new
friend? Are you two going on a
date?" to which I almost angrily shouted, "Mother, he is
just a runner, I know nothing about this kid!" What can I say? I saw, read, and heard something different about him and it scared the hell out of me. This was absolutely no time, no time at all, to be falling in love or whatever. I was (and still am) very much a cynic. I never believe anything until I have it in my hand. Talk is cheap. People make other plans, but I was sticking to mine of moving to Qatar.
At 6:00 AM under very stormy conditions we met for a hill workout. It was a bit much for M because if you know Dallas at all then you know that there are no hills to speak of. However, this was all part of my plan - if he truly was a friend then he would run with me, and I did not want to miss out on my training for some guy I barely even knew. So, we charged hills and tried to talk as it started drizzling, thundering, and lightening.
We finished running and decided to go for breakfast. We sat outside and ate under a covering while it poured rain, lightning and thundered something awful! M asked if I wanted to hang out later that day, to which I said yes. I had nothing better to do and he was interesting. And I had not met any runners who were just very genuine, around my age, attractive, talkative, and who truly seemed interested in getting to know me. It was the week before final exams in my summer teaching so I had absolutely no class prep - I was free! I went home right after to shower and change for
geocaching. My father was sitting in the kitchen and asked how the run was. I was in a hurry to meet M in about an hour so I just ran past him and said, "Good. We're going to Arkansas for geocaching - its like a hike for treasure or something. . . " as I ran to get a quick shower. My dad's face was incredulous and he shouted at my mother, "They're crossing state lines to go hiking!" I think they both new (having met and been engaged after only two weeks themselves) what I was trying to deny at this point - M was
it. I was going to marry him.
We went down to Arkansas and got lost something awful considering M grew up in Arkansas and the fact that we had
two GPS devices with us. I enjoyed the day, but the day quickly became night and I was not ready to leave him. He was stalling as well. We had already eaten breakfast and lunch together, so we decided to have dinner as well. It was late, but we were both in our 30s with no real obligations at home. We drove out of our way to find food late at night and eventually drove back to Missouri. I now believe that the best date anyone can have is a road trip.
We said goodnight around 12 AM after a long and very telling talk about our values and our goals. We promised to meet again the next day. The next morning I woke up around 7 AM and called M. I debriefed my parents about the previous day's events because I really had not talked to them except to tell them we were going to Arkansas. They knew and I knew that day was the one day to meet M. My parents had already planned to go to the lake so they suggested that I invite M. So, I did. He was still asleep when I called him, but agreed whole heatedly to come along. It was a great day. This time I drove us because M had driven so much the day before. There was a lot more talking and getting to know each other. At the end of the weekend I confessed that I was suddenly confused. I had just spent so much time as a very independent woman who travels and now at the tail end of my time home I had finally met someone worthy of dating. I said a bit frustrated, "What do I do? Do I hang up my backpack and stop this globe trotting?" to which M replied with the most perfect answer ever, "No, we take two backpacks."
The rest is history, but I will just say that after that second weekend we both knew we wanted to be together. The next week I gave final exams, so we did not see each other. The following week I went to Florida for a week with my sister. After two weeks apart (and many 4+ hour phone calls each day apart) I flew down to M in Dallas on August 10th. Because he was finished with a programming contract he was free to be with me until my August 20th departure for Qatar. We lived in the moment - road tripping from Texas to Missouri, stopping to meet various friends and family of M along the way. M helped me pack for Qatar, which was a sad scene. I wanted desperately to flee and not deal with the emotions of having to leave and yet also leaving someone behind for the first time.
It is funny because I moved to Qatar after only 10 days of us physically being together, M moved up to Missouri while contemplating when/how he would come to Qatar, and in the end M actually spent more time with my parents than we me before we got married!
Honestly, I would not change anything about our story. I love that we met doing what we love doing - running. I love that we were both
truly not looking to start a relationship, but were simply interested in getting to know one another as people. I love that we have similar hobbies and most importantly the same core values, which we discussed in great detail the week after we met. Who does that? Most couples are afraid to be honest for fear that they will find out that they are actually incompatible. I had nothing to lose. Honestly, if M did not like me for me (or vice versa) I was going to wedge the Atlantic Ocean, all of Europe and Africa in between us anyhow with my move to Qatar. I love that we have a very similar view of our life now and share the same dream for our future. We will continue to run marathons, travel to other countries, and hopefully one day have children. This is exactly the life that I wanted, but did not know existed. I am simply grateful.
